


Something Blue, Something Slashy

by EntreNous



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Episode: s04e09 Something Blue, F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-26
Updated: 2004-01-26
Packaged: 2017-11-26 11:42:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/650159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EntreNous/pseuds/EntreNous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Willow casts a marriage spell, but instead of Spike and Buffy, the whammy hits Spike and Xander.  In the spirit of the "Something Blue" episode, this gets rather silly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Blue, Something Slashy

**Author's Note:**

> Written way back when for something called the AAA FQFest, and betaed by mantypants/grammar-glamour.

While Willow complained about how Buffy had just abandoned her to re-capture the escaped Spike, Xander sighed.

Willow was hurting from her breakup with Oz; that was to be expected. But she was really throwing the bulk of her anger towards her friends. She knew very well that Buffy had to get the chipped vampire and bring him back to Giles', so why did Willow insist that Buffy was acting like a bitch?

And she was being so negative, moaning that she'd never be in a relationship again. Why couldn't she take his words of reassurance on faith? He knew that she'd meet someone else eventually. Whether things worked out with him and Anya, or whether Oz came back to town for Willow or not, he knew that neither of them would end up alone in the end.

"We'll find people that will make us happy, Will, I promise. We're not doomed to bad relationships," he assured her.

Willow narrowed her eyes at Xander. "Oh yeah? Let's look at your bio, huh? Mantis woman, mummy girl, Anya . . . you're a--"

"Hey," Xander said suddenly, cutting off the last part of her sentence as he looked up at her again. "I was only trying to help. There's no point in bringing up my past relationship problems -- or, for that matter, my current, very confusing relationship with Anya. This is about you, Will . . . not about Buffy being a bitch, not about me, and certainly not about Spike. Buffy did the right thing in going after him. You just feel upset at her, at me, and even at Spike because of your feelings about how Oz left. Trust me -- we'll both find someone that we'll be happy with in the end."

"Hmph!" Willow scoffed, crossing her arms in front of her. Xander's problems, Buffy's problems, now even _Spike's_ problems -- how come no one paid attention to _her_ problems? After all, she was the one in pain, here!

"Come off it, Xander! You seem to like demons so much . . . and now you care about what's up with Spike? Got a secret crush, huh? Next thing, you and Spike will fall madly in love and run off to Vegas to get married!"

She rose and turned in a huff, stomping towards the door. But she paused just as she was about to leave and she turned back. "You know, I'm going to just forget that I even saw you tonight. I refuse to remember that we had this conversation!"

With that, she stormed out of the room, muttering, "Yeah, sure, we'll both find someone in the end. Whatever."

****

Xander sat very still on the couch. Everything was quiet around him as he let his head fall forward into his hands. Then suddenly, he heard a noise outside. Footsteps. Pounding footsteps, coming closer at a preternatural speed.

Feeling his heart race, Xander darted over to the entryway.

The door flew open, and Spike came up hard against an invisible barrier. He looked in, his face fraught with emotion, and caught Xander's wondering eyes.

"Please, Xander . . ." he breathed softly, leaning against the doorway. "Please, baby . . . invite me in? I promise you won't be sorry you did!"

"Come in, Spike," Xander cried out happily, flinching when Spike fell forward and collapsed in a heap.

Clearly the fall hadn't hurt the vamp, for he got up on both knees and shuffled over to Xander. He shifted, keeping one knee on the floor, raising the other leg to put his weight forward onto his foot.

"Oh, Xander," he said, his voice choking with emotion. "When I wanted to eat you at Thanksgiving -- when you were dying from the syphilis that the Chumash Indian vengeance spirit inflicted upon you -- thank the powers I was prevented. How could I have forgiven myself -- how could I have lived without you?"

"Spike," Xander began, and then stopped at Spike's imploring look.

Spike took Xander's hand, and raised it to his cheek, leaning into the touch reverently. He kissed Xander's fingertips one by one and sighed.

"I know it's too much to dare hope for. I know that you fight on the side of all that is good, and that I'm a bad, wicked man who causes evil whenever possible. I know that I've thrown you against brick walls quite recently and threatened you with grisly death a number of times. But I love you, Xander. Please -- marry me? Elope with me to Vegas?"

"Of course, Spike," Xander said feelingly, a tear escaping to run down his face. "I'll go with you anywhere. I'll go with you to the ends of the earth!"

Xander dropped to his knees, and the two men grasped each other and brought their mouths together in their very first kiss. Spike's right hand combed through Xander's hair, drawing him closer, bringing the hot mouth harder upon his own. Xander darted his tongue in, running it smoothly along Spike's palate and stroking Spike's tongue with sure moves. They moaned and gasped into the kiss, desperate with want, full of love, and heady with the promises they had just made to each other.

When Xander pulled away to breathe, Spike tugged him back hungrily. "Bloody hell, pet!" he exclaimed. "If I'd known you could kiss like that, I'd have asked you to marry me long ago! Fuck Dru and all her rubbish with chaos demons," he intoned, bringing them back together for another rousing snog.

"Brilliant, gorgeous," he panted, breathing unnecessarily when Xander drew back with a coy smile. "Got to say, love, I can't help but imagine what other skills you've been hiding from me." Spike leered openly at Xander, moving his hand down Xander's toned chest. "What say we get some of these clothes off and you can show me your bag of tricks?"

Xander just gazed at him, his eyes shining. "No way, Spike."

"Huh?" Spike asked in confusion.

"No. Way." Xander smiled pleasantly. "I want you, alright, but I want you for forever. Let's go now -- let's get married right away. It will be so amazing that way," he added, ducking his head shyly. "I've never . . . that is, you'd be my first . . . "

Spike seized Xander's hands in his own, covering them with kisses. "You've never been with another man before, baby?"

"No," Xander said, embarrassed. "Girls, well, yeah, but no guys, not ever."

"Oh, pet," Spike exclaimed, pulling Xander into an embrace. "I'll make it so good for you." He held him tight and crooned into his ear. "It'll be perfect. We'll wait. We'll go now, though; I don't think I can wait too long before I rip those clothes right off of you."

"Okay," Xander agreed hoarsely, his mouth suddenly dry from that mental image. He shook himself and grabbed his wallet, keys, and coat. "Let's hit the road!"

****

"So are we thinking drive-in wedding chapel, casino-side service, or vows exchanged during the break in the floorshow of Penn and Teller?" Xander yelled over the stereo blasting Sleater Kinney.

"Whatever you want, love." Spike veered the car over to the left lane, passing numerous vehicles before hauling the wheel back to steer them into the right lane once again. Then he sped past the cars in the left lane, flipping them off and waggling his tongue at them as he went.

"Well, if we're going to Vegas, it's going to be kinda tacky anyway." Xander grimaced and pressed an imaginary brake on his side of the car before turning to Spike with an adoring look. "Maybe we should just take it to the limit -- you know, really go crazy Broadway style."

"Know a couple of Sharkend'eh demons who run an inter-reality chapel just off the strip," Spike remembered suddenly. "Those gits owe me some favors anyway -- they'll do it up right. Besides," he added, "no on yet knows about the chip, so I can claim the kind of treatment due to a visiting Master Vampire."

"Plus I'm not sure if the other chapels would marry us," Xander agreed. "I'm guessing that the chapel for demon lovers doesn't care so much about the two guys thing."

"Good thinking," Spike replied. "To the Sharkend'eh chapel it is."

"Then after that we can cruise around The Strip, or check out the casinos, or . . ." Xander trailed off as Spike slid a hand deftly up his thigh.

"After that, I'm taking you back to our classy suite in a posh hotel, and giving you the ride of your life," Spike asserted.

"Uh . . . yeah, that'd be good, too," Xander croaked out. Spike's palm rubbed over his half-hard erection enticingly for a moment, then returned to its place on the wheel.

"Sit tight, pet," Spike cried out suddenly. "I'm going to kick this thing into high gear."

"That was low gear?" Xander shrieked over the roar of the engine.

***

Willow returned to Giles' apartment directly from her visit to Arashmahon. By the morning, the Tygris root had arrived at the Magic Box, and she performed the sight restoration spell easily with Buffy's help.

"I'm really sorry, Giles," Willow said quietly. "I know you were just trying to help, and I didn't want anything like this to happen."

"Yes, well, I hope now you've seen the consequences of attempting spells during a crisis. I'm only glad that I was the only one to suffer . . . erm, be affected by . . . your temporary abilities."

Buffy ate another one of Willow's cookies, and munched thoughtfully. "Yeah, Will. It's a good thing that you didn't wish your will on anyone else last night."

At that moment, Anya burst into the apartment. "Where is Xander? Have any of you seen Xander? He isn't at his apartment, and he hasn't been there all night."

She stopped as she took in the scene before her. "And you made cookies? You made cookies and didn't call me? What is happening to this group? Oh, god -- everything is falling apart!"

Buffy, Giles, and Willow exchanged glances as Anya sank down into a chair with a fistful of chocolate chip cookies and burst into tears.

"Anya, I'm sure that Xander is okay. He can take care of himself," Buffy commented, but her eyes betrayed her burgeoning anxiety.

Giles blinked at Anya, and rose to pat her on the shoulder. "There, there. We'll hear from Xander soon, I'm sure."

Willow scrunched up her forehead as she thought. "It's a little weird though, for him to take off. Do you think he's in danger?"

"Well, let's start simple," Buffy sighed. "What'd he say to you when you talked to him last night? You were headed over there when I went out to find Spike. And where is Spike, anyway? Did he ever turn up? I saw him right outside the campus, but then poof! He just disappeared."

"You don't suppose that Spike did something to Xander?" Anya snuffled through her tears and cookie crumbs.

"No way," Buffy said firmly. "He got worked over by the Initiative, and no matter how jerky he can be, there's no way he can hurt anyone right now. He's probably in some crypt, sulking. I'll find him later tonight."

"It's so strange," Willow said. Her eyes were slightly unfocused. "I know I was going to talk to Xander, but . . . I guess I never made it over there before D'Hoffran sucked me into the portal. I don't remember ever seeing Xander last night. And I definitely do not recall having a conversation with him."

Buffy shrugged and exchanged baffled glances with Giles. "Okay, Will. We get it. No Xander contact on your end. Let's start by calling his work and seeing if he showed, and then if I have to, I'll go talk to his folks."

Giles picked up the phone, but glanced over at the whimpering pile of Anya on his chair. "Perhaps it would be best if something could be done to distract her?" he murmured to Willow.

"Sure, Giles," Willow agreed. "Hey, Anya, come on. We'll go rent some movies or something. Hey, do you like Steel Magnolias?"

***

Hours later, Xander and Spike had checked in to a suitably fancy hotel.

"Wow, Spike, this'll be so cool," Xander muttered as he looked through the pile of pamphlets that the concierge had given them. They had crashed and slept for a few hours, and now it was only four hours until nightfall. "Hey, we have coupons for the breakfast buffet in the casino!"

"We'll want to order breakfast in," Spike asserted, frowning at the coupon, and then walked over to the bed and flopped down on it.

"But Spike! I want to do some Vegas-y things, since we came all the way and everything," Xander said.

"Oh, fine, pet. No need to get all worked up. We'll go to the sodding buffet, and see a show, and all that. But, seeing as we have to wait until evening to head over to the inter-reality chapel, why don't we . . . " Spike beckoned Xander over to the bed, where he currently lay smirking and stroking his nipples through the thin black t-shirt.

Xander's eyes fogged over at this sight, but shook his head to clear them. "No way," Xander said stubbornly. "No nookie for you until I have a ring on my finger." He held up the back of his hand and wiggled the appropriate finger at Spike.

"God damn it . . . you're serious about that rot? Worse than a bint, you are." Spike said despairingly.

"Spike, don't you want us to wait? You can't hold out for a few more hours? No, never mind, don't answer that question." Xander said, and then thought for a moment. "Okay, a compromise. No uh . . . you know, but we can do other stuff." Xander sat on the end of the bed and glanced shyly at Spike.

"What is it with your generation and these odd ideas about sex? I heard some bloke saying on a news program that you lot don't even think blow jobs are sex."

"They're not," Xander said simply.

"It's all sex, as far as I'm . . . " Spike stopped his tirade, realizing that perhaps this wasn't the best tactical strategy. "Right. And since blow jobs aren't sex . . . Come here, then."

***

"I'm not wearing that," Xander said firmly.

"Why the hell not?" Spike asked. He looked utterly befuddled, and his mussed hair and still-swollen lips just added to the picture of confusion he presented. "Says it all -- white, smooth, virginal. It says wedding to me."

"Spike, I have had sex with women. I hardly think that I qualify as a virgin. Besides that, it's just . . . it doesn't seem appropriate for a wedding." Xander gazed doubtfully at the white leather pants Spike had picked out.

"You _have_ noticed where we are, haven't you? Why are you so worried about what's proper all of a sudden? And . . . I don't want to think about all those women you've slept with." Spike turned away suddenly, and hung up the pants with shaking hands.

"Hey, listen," Xander said quietly. Spike didn't budge. "Hey, sweetheart, don't worry about that. I didn't mean to bring up past relationships -- I'm sorry, okay? And there weren't _that_ many women…"

"How many?" Spike asked tearfully, turning slowly around to look at his fiancé.

"Two. Just two, and barely that. I mean, it was twenty minutes with Faith, and the next time I saw her, she tried to strangle me. Would have too, if Angel hadn't hit her over the head with a pipe."

Spike smiled at that despite the watery look in his eyes. Xander stepped closer, and took Spike's hands in his own.

"And Anya . . . yeah, but I mean, it wasn't . . . I didn't feel about her the way I feel about you. The way I care for you. The way I love you," Xander spoke softly.

Spike tipped his head up to Xander, and they kissed slowly, brushing their lips together with teasing strokes.

"Oh, get a room," the proprietor of the shop said in a hearty voice, winking at them when they parted. "Good thing you're in a queer-friendly leather shop. Say, I hope you boys know where to go in this town for non-discriminatory treatment."

"Huh?" Xander said with a dazed look.

"You know . . . I mean, you can't just kiss your lover everywhere in Vegas. Some people aren't too cool with PDAs from gay couples. But, hey, buy the leather pants, and I'll throw in a gay guide to Las Vegas for free! Sell 'em right here in the store. But for you, I won't accept a dime." He nodded, and finished hastily, "As long as you buy the pants first, though."

The owner walked away, whistling, and Xander turned to Spike. "Wow, that guy gives a mean sales pitch. Buy a pair of pants for hundreds of dollars; get a twenty-dollar book for free." Xander rolled his eyes a little before he continued, "But he's probably right. About needing the book while we're here, I mean." He paused significantly. "Uh, I guess this means that we're gay, then."

"Right." Spike nodded wisely. "Thought that might be the case. What with the sixty-nine back on the bed, and the frottage in the shower."

Both of them looked slightly wobbly for a moment as they reflected on their steamy shower action -- still not sex, Xander had cheerfully declared, because not with the penetration.

"Then we should get the book from that bloke before we leave," Spike continued. "I suppose we'll have to pay for it, though, since . . . " he stopped and made a futile gesture towards the white leather low-riders he had picked out.

"Spike, why does it have to be all or nothing for you?" Xander asked in a reasonable tone. "How about we negotiate again? I won't wear the white ones, but I could wear one of those over there," he said, gesturing to the rack of darker colors.

"The dark brown ones? With the black stitch down the side?" Spike asked.

Xander's gaze flickered over to the pair in question. Then he leaned forward so that only Spike could hear him. "Fine. But only if you wear the black ones . . . the ones with the silver buttons showing on the outside of the crotch."

"You've got yourself a deal, baby," Spike smiled. He hustled them both off to the fitting room to try on their choices, patting his pocket to make sure that Giles' credit card was still there.

***

"Do you think Xander has left me?" Anya asked softly as the credits to "Steel Magnolias" scrolled over the television screen.

"I . . . well, I don't _think_ so," Willow replied doubtfully. Sure, it didn't seem like Xander would take off without Anya, but then again, Oz had messed around with Veruca and left Sunnydale for good. Anything was possible now.

They were well into the stash of beer that Willow had acquired when she'd decided to go all denial-y about Oz leaving. Everything was starting to feel a little softer, and Willow was wondering why she'd never realized how great it was to hang out with Anya.

Anya frowned, and then brightened considerably. "I don't like the idea that Xander would try to shake me off like yesterday's fashions. On the other hand, I'm newly human, young, pretty, and I have a killer body. Why shouldn't I try out sex with lots of other people before I settle down?"

"That's the right kind of attitude, mister!" Willow cried. Was she crazy, or was Anya making sense? It wasn't like Willow was ready to get back into dating other people, but it was kind of inspiring the way that Anya was putting on a brave face. Maybe all hope wasn't gone. Maybe she'd meet someone else herself soon.

"Yeah," Willow asserted. "Oz, Xander . . . who do they think they are anyway? Taking off, and . . . It's not like there aren't other guys out there." Willow gestured with her beer to emphasize her point, and spilled some of it in the bowl of popcorn.

"And there's no reason to stop with men," Anya said thoughtfully. "I should try to get it on with women too."

Willow spewed out the beer she'd just sipped. "Uh, what?"

"You know," Anya said, rolling her eyes. "Boston marriage? Tribadism? Sex Queen Victoria didn't think existed? Women who love women who are lesbians?"

"Oh," Willow said with wide eyes. "Would you . . . I mean, um . . . that sounds good to you?"

"Sex is sex is sex," Anya said simply. "As long as I'm getting mine, I don't see why I can't adjust to the packaging of the other person. There are nicely shaped people of both genders."

"I guess," Willow replied. "But you can't just start dating some woman before you even know if you'll be able to go through with . . . um, the stuff that women do together. When they're having sex."

"You make a reasonable point," Anya said, and stopped. She glanced at Willow out of the corner of her eye.

"What?" Willow said in a rush.

"I don't suppose . . . " Anya said slowly, then paused again significantly.

"Um, Anya, Xander is my best friend. And plus, we're not even sure that he's gone. Like Oz is. Gone. Because he sent for his stuff. And never even told me. Like I wouldn't have helped him get his things. Just because he fucked someone else and left me here, not even telling me where he was going. Just because -- god, men are _assholes_ " Willow finished heatedly.

"Oh, good," Anya said encouragingly. "You've gone from denial to pain to anger. Normally, this would be the stage that I'd ask you what you'd wish for. But being human again and all, how about we just make out for a while?"

Willow looked at her in a daze, and then threw up her hands. "Sure."

***

The actual ceremony was very brief. Spike and Xander's exchange of vows was held up only temporarily when the demon performing the ceremony insisted on dragging in a translator so that Xander could understand what was happening.

"So this is . . . legal somewhere?" Xander asked in a whisper. The Sharkend'eh demons appeared to communicate in a series of whistles, sighs, and gasps, but he didn't want to take the chance that they could understand him.

"Oh, absolutely, pet," Spike reassured him, patting him on the arm. "Legal, valid, and binding in eleven dimensions. And I hear that they're working on passing the legislation in three others, so could be fourteen soon."

The translator, Vinny, seemed human, but it wasn't exactly clear. He eyed Xander's pants appreciatively. "Nice stitching on the sides there, buddy."

"Uh, thanks," Xander muttered. The officiating demon gasped suddenly.

"Okay, let's get this show on the road," Vinny said loudly.

"Wow, he is a good translator," Spike whispered.

"That's what the demon is saying?" Xander hissed.

"Word for word. Now quiet down, pet, or you'll miss the whole thing."

The Sharkend'eh minister sighed longingly, then concluded with a sharp whistle.

"Do you promise to love, cherish, and give it up for your vampire mate as often as he wants it?" Vinny droned.

"I had them put that last bit in," Spike affirmed with a nod.

"I do," Xander answered stoutly.

Again, the demon sighed, whistled, but this time he ended with a quick gasp. Spike gasped back before letting out a cat-calling whistle.

"What was that?" Xander asked.

"He promised to love and cherish you, and treat you the way that a gorgeous, biteable creature such as yourself deserves, complete with regular gifts, utter devotion, and as much sex as you can handle, considering you're human and all," Vinny whispered.

"Sounds good to me," Xander said.

The minister concluded with a colorful string of whistles, punctuated by a sharp "yip!"

"That's it. You're married. Don't be jerks, and it should work out," Vinny translated emphatically.

Spike and Xander embraced, and began to kiss each other frantically.

The Sharkend'eh sighed at Vinny, and Vinny nodded back. "I know, man," he said, wiping a tear from his eye, "gets me every time, too."

***

"Why do I feel like I keep forgetting something?" Willow murmured anxiously.

"Um, can you kind of pay attention to what you're doing right now?" Anya managed with a gasp.

Willow raised her head for a second and looked at Anya all sprawled out on the floor.  
"Right. Sorry! Concentrating now."

"Whatever you forgot," Anya whimpered as Willow ducked her head back down between Anya's legs, "who cares."

"Good point," Willow would have said, but her words were kind of muffled. And as Anya shrieked and wrapped her legs around her head, Willow decided that whatever had happened with Xander and Spike, and between Anya and herself, was probably for the best.

Xander would just have to find someone else to have sex with, though, because Willow wasn't so good with the sharing. And the girl writhing on the floor with her? Definitely bogart material.

***

"So you're okay with living in the basement for now, then?" Xander asked nervously. They had raced back to the hotel room immediately after the ceremony. Spike had nearly broken the door down in his haste to get inside until Xander reminded him that they had a key.

"Oh, not too particular about where we live right at the moment," Spike said with darkened eyes, closing the door and eyeing Xander hungrily.

"Because I don't think that I can afford to move out right now. Especially with needing to buy you blood and all," Xander said slowly, his eyes on Spike's shirt being tossed to the floor.

"There is that," Spike acknowledged, kicking off his boots. He moved towards Xander in a flash, and began to slide Xander's shirt over his head.

"Then there's telling everyone that we're married now," Xander's muffled voice came out from under the shirt.

"They'll just have to get used to it, pet," Spike mumbled before throwing the shirt behind him and running his hands over Xander's chest.

"Yeah," Xander panted, fumbling with the buttons of Spike's pants. He touched the faint line of hair curling down into Spike's crotch reverently as he eased the first and second buttons open.

"And we'll need to deal with demon girl," Spike whispered into Xander's neck as he nuzzled him.

"Oh, Anya . . . yeah, that wasn't going to work out," Xander said. "I mean, she won't like it, but she'll get over it."

"That's . . . that's good news," Spike gasped as Xander undid the rest of the buttons and sank down to his knees.

"I just don't care what everyone else thinks," Xander said hoarsely as he pulled down Spike's leather pants and brushed his cheek lovingly against Spike's hard cock.

"Right . . . never cared before, so . . . no reason to start now," Spike murmured as he ran his hands through Xander's thick hair.

"Spike?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you."

"I'm so happy we're married."

"Yeah . . . Oh, pet. Just keep that up, and I'm going to give it to you proper in no time. And I'll keep giving it to you hard and fast, and keep making you scream with pleasure, as often as you want it, for as long as we're together . . . for always."

Xander looked up at him with shining eyes. " 'Kay."

And that, Spike thought as Xander tongued the rim of his sensitive erection and began to take him in his mouth inch by tantalizing inch, was what marriage was all about.

***

Back in Sunnydale . . .

"You're married?" Anya asked with wide eyes.

"Legal, valid, and binding in eleven dimensions," Buffy read from the certificate slowly before dropping it to the floor in a daze.

Giles broke out of the frozen position he'd taken when Spike and Xander had announced their union. He stared at the men incredulously for a moment before picking up the paper to study it.

"How did this happen?" Buffy asked in shock. "Xander, you hate vampires, and Spike wouldn't be high on your list even if you didn't. And I'm so not going to even mention the guy thing!" She paced frenetically.

Xander gave Spike a look that said "See?!?" But Spike just patted his hand reassuringly and pulled him closer to his side of the couch. Xander sighed with contentment and gazed at Spike lovingly.

"Well, to me it makes perfect sense," Willow said slowly. Her tone was oddly distanced, and Buffy squinted at her before looking away to avoid the sight of Anya perched on Willow's lap. "Xander must have had a secret crush on Spike . . . "

"That much is true," Xander said with a slight frown. Why did Willow's words sound slightly . . . familiar?

"And then he and Spike probably fell madly in love," Willow continued somewhat mechanically.

"We did at that," Spike said with a smirk, running the tips of his fingers along the nape of Xander's neck. Giles made a small sound in the back of his throat, and Buffy knocked the palm of her hand against her forehead as she tried to keep calm.

Anya stroked Willow's arm comfortingly and shifted on her lap. Willow cleared her throat, gazing into Anya's eyes with resolve. "At that point . . . and this is just a wild guess . . . they decided to elope immediately, and naturally chose Vegas as their destination."

"You're good," Anya said admiringly. Then she lowered her voice several decibels. "You're really, _really_ good." She and Willow smiled secretively at one another.

Giles coughed. "Well, I suppose we can't really stand in the way of . . . true love . . . " He glanced between the two men leaning towards one another lovingly and somewhat erotically on the couch, and the two women with heavy-lidded eyes entwined together on the chair. He gestured at Buffy helplessly.

"Fine," Buffy said with a sigh. "Fine!"

She turned and paced once more before dropping next to Spike and Xander on the couch. They looked at her expectantly.

"Fine," she repeated. "Now go back to the beginning and tell us every single detail -- I want outfits, flowers, ceremony, everything, okay? Just -- you can leave out the . . . " and here Buffy gestured vaguely.

"Well, shoot," Anya said as she exchanged disappointed glances with Willow. "Have them leave out the best part, why don't you?"


End file.
